My adult son no longer accepts Jesus of Nazareth as the Christ and considers himself "Jewish" although he has not formally converted. I told him he should give his very elderly grandparents a "holiday" gift they could enjoy at Christmas time because they have been very kind to him and actually sent him an enormous "chanukah" gift basket last year. He said he can't because if it arrived before the 25th it would imply that it was for Christmas. Anyway I am a bit ticked off and would appreciate advice.
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You should speak to his Rabbi, since it appears that your advice will not be taken by your son. But if he is serious about converting, then he will surely listen to advice from his Rabbi. And from my point of view, as a Rabbi with relatives who aren't Jewish, there is nothing wrong with sending gifts to someone with a 'happy holidays' on it. Your son probably feels very uncomfortable giving a gift on christmas, as though he is in someway disconnecting himself from Judaism when he does so, and the reassurance his Rabbi could give - that it's common decency to give them a holiday gift - will probably push him to send one. He probably wants to send one as much you want him to. Good luck and have a Merry Christmas.
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