What i'm trying to ask yahoo world is somebody make this more modern for me. I took a few pieces from a book just to see how would it sound. My story is based in 1990 and Sincere Frazier is a well respected drug kingpin at the age of 27 and claims to earn his money from real estate. I just need it to sound more modern and interesting. Thanks a million. Many friends and many others received engraved invitations to the wedding of Miss Jasmine Frazier, to be celebrated on the last Saturday in July 1990. The older brother of the gorgeous bride, Sincere Frazier, never forgot his roots and old friends though. Sincere himself now lived in a huge mansion in Upstate New York. The reception would be held in that house and the festivities would go on all day. There would not be any 'gangsters' in attendence so there would not be any nagging fear for the 'good' people. A wedding was just what everyone needed to show their joy. In Brooklyn a drug war had claimed the lives of twelve people, seven innoncent, and this was what people needed to calm down. And on that Saturday morning the friends of Sincere Frazier streamed out of New York City, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Down South, and other surrounding areas to do him honor. They all bore cream-colored envelops stuffed with cash as bridal gifts, no checks. A card placed inside each envelope established the identity of the giver and the measure of the person's respect for the Boss. A respect truly earned. Sincere Frazier was a man, despite his tender age of twenty seven, everybody came to for help, and they never were disappointed. He made no empty promises, nor the must used excuse 'I don't got' or 'I don't got nothing to do with that'. It was not necessary that he be your friend, it was not even important that you had no means with which to repay his services. Only one thing was required. That you, you yourself, proclaim your friendship. And then, no matter how poor or powerless the person, God would take that man's troubles to his heart. And nothing would stand in his way for what he had to do for his friend. His reward? Friendship, the respectful title of "God," and sometimes the more affectionate salutation of "Uncle God." And just to show respect was all he wanted in return. Never for profit, a humble gift-a homecooked meal or a basket of oranges (his favorite). It was well understood, as it was good manners, to proclaim that you were in his dept and that he had the right to call upon you at any time to redeem your debt by some small service. Now on this great day, his baby sister's wedding day, Sincere Frazier stood in the doorway of his Old Westbury mansion to greet his guests, all of them known, all of them trusted. Most of them owed their good fortune, or at one point their lives, to God. Even the people performing caterings were his friends. The bartender was an old friend whose gift was all the wedding liquors and his own expert skills. The waiters were the friends of Sincere's brothers and sisters. Sincere Frazier received everyone- rich and poor, powerful and humble- with an equal show of love. He slighted no one. That was his character. And the guests so exclaimed at how well he looked in his tux that an inexperienced observer might easily have mistaken him for the groom. Standing at the entrance with him were his cousin and brother. His brother Demetrius but called D-Nice by everyone except the Frazier family, was looked at with admiration by the younger crowd. Dee was short and thin, but was considered handsome by the ladies, mainly due to the dimple in his left cheek, and his smooth haircut that sported styling waves. But on this particular day Dee was glad to be home. He had just finished serving a term on Rikers Island to await trial for murder. He was scheduled to talk to Sincere later on as so many were. Frisco, born Michael, was Sincere's cousin. He was a child every mother prayed for. Dutiful, loyal, and always at the service of his father. He was tall (almost six feet), and was also handsome but considered careless. At the age of nineteen he was the youngest member in Sincere's organization who was in charge of a large crew. Despite his young age he always brought in the money.
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Quite good-but there are a few things I'd change. Though all this is really personal opinion, and these are mostly nitpicks. I don't think it needs to be more modern, just a bit more compelling. One of the main things that is hard to do but is quite worthwhile is withholding some information at first. THis may not sound useful, but not revealing everything that is going on will make readers interested. If you had said first just about the people arriving, and not about why they were all there or why they so admired the Boss, then it would have made the readers wonder why it was so and want to read on to find out. Also listing all the facts straight away does tend to bore more than spreading out the info while the story progresses. If you spill the man's life without anything happening in the story, he won't seem interesting, and there won't be any curiousity about who he is. Mind you, that is my preffered style of writing: withheld and paced, but this is your story. Hope I helped.
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