Suggestions? Comments (hate or praise)? what age am I writing this at? Would it make a good LONG story? Sniff Whenever I saw my papa he was trotting at the heels of that strange human. "Who was this strange human?" I wondered. "Why was he always taking my papa in the bad place?" "Papa's a big dog now, Sniff. He can take care of himself," Mama said. "Millie and me can take care of ourselves, too!" "Millie and I," corrected Mama. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to look menacing, a smirk grew on Mama's face. "I'm back, Gem!" barked a voice from the bad place. Papa always called Mama Gem. "Papa!" yelled my sister Millie. I don't know why, but Mama had a weird look on her face. Millie "Papa?" I asked him. "Yes?" he said through a mouthful of meat. "What's the bad place like?" the words jumbled out my mouth. He looked at me with a gaze that could melt the ice on Lake Blue. I felt very small as the rest of the barnyard animals looked down at me. "Tell your daughter to shut her mouth. She never does anything right," the cow mooed. The cow's bellow angered my mother, and my mother's anger is notable. "JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOUR DAUGHTER IS ARTEMIS' GIFT TO THE WORLD DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN JUDGE MINE, BESSIE!" She barked. Bessie shut up. Sniff I smiled at my sister. She had said the perfect thing. "Maybe it's time for us to go to the house now." Papa whined. My paws padded through the mud as I could almost feel the steam coming out of my Mama's ears. I knew she weren't happy and neither was I. Bessie had gone maybe a tad too far. All of a sudden, the strange man came out of the house, "BEAR!" He yelled. My Papa's ears perked up. The way I liked 'em. He shot one look at my Mama, then ran to the man. Mama sighed. "I hope he comes back good." she whimpered. "Actually Mama it would be, I hope he comes back okay." Millie smiled. "Shut up Mill!" I gave her a warning nip. Pups! She glared at me. She had Papa's eyes. Well, she had Papa's everything. Wiry cinder fur and the arrogance of a red fox. Papa called her the perfect pup. Millie Twitch. Sniff. Kick. "Sniff!" I barked. He looked up from the hay basket, "What?" "What's bothering you?" "Nothing..." "Yes there is, you only move in your sleep when somethings wrong." He was about to answer when I noticed for myself. Papa wasn't home yet. "He can't be in the bad place at dark!" Sniff shrugged, "He is." I licked my fur nonchalantly. Then eased into the trap, "Why isn't he home yet?" He tensed. "Can't tell yah, you'd be worried." "I'm always worried." "FINE! Listen sis he might not be coming home okay?" Sniff confessed. I was about to tell him to go to sleep, when Mama beat me to it. "GET TO SLEEP!" She barked. Sniff "Oh, Papa's gunna kill me for telling you!" I whimpered to Millie. I had told her everything. How Papa and the strange man had to go catch a truckload of rabbit skin to pay off some weird human thing... "Let's go get him." She said like it was no big deal. "GO GET HIM??? He's in the bad place Mill." "Forest." "Huh?" What was she talking about? "The bad place is called the forest." "Fine, whatever." I turned away from her, but I couldn't turn away from the pain that was beginning to grow in my stomach. "We'll need lots of food, water, and a distraction for Mama." she barked after me. She was crazy, but she had good plans sometimes. Millie I had it all figured out by the time Mama called us to the barn to eat. "So Darlin' is gunna tell Mama she wants her to go hunting with her, then when she gets back Kip is gunna tell her we went missing!" I mumbled to Sniff. "Woah woah woah Millie!" he stopped me. "Whos Darlin? Whos Kip? Won't the humans notice we gone? That Mama's gone?" he questioned my plan. "You know nothing about this town! See Darlin is the old Welsh Terrier down near the sheriff's house, and Kip is the cat that lives on the farm!" I yelled. Everyone in the barn looked at me. "She was explaining to me everyone in town." Sniff saved me. "It's the loss of her father... she's taking it hard. Personally I think he just got tired of Gem!" Whispered one horse to the other. Mama glared at her, but said nothing. Sometimes other animals underestimated our sense of hearing. I was just about done with my food when I saw a small orange cat slip out the door, Kip. "Cover for me Smell, Cider's found the rusty bumper and she's going in!" I muttered to Sniff. "What are you talking about Millie? Have you gone crazy like Old Goosey?" We both looked at Old Goosey, muttering to herself about her lost golden egg. "No, and she ain't crazy! She's uh...." I looked at her, "confused..."
--------------------
It took me a while to understand that the point of view was from dogs, but I got it :) Uhm...you might not want to change the point of view between Sniff and Millie so often. It gets kind of confusing. But other than that, it sounds cute! The age group for this could be young adult possibly older children. Just because of it's point of view being that of animals and such. If you want to have it for older people, then I would concider more detail in Millie's plan. But then again...the thought of hunting isn't really for children either...well, you decide what you want. I gave you my opinion and once again I think it's good! Good luck with it :)
Source
No comments:
Post a Comment