Monday, February 14, 2011

My best male friend just "broke up" with me. What can I do to save our relationship?

My best male friend is the most funny, smart, charming, wonderful man in the world. He is married to an awful witch. He's a big flirt and so am I and we flirted back and forth for a long time, then one day his wife freaked because I gave him a gift basket full of condoms and candies for his birthday. It was supposed to be funny and she told him he couldn't accept it so he told me to put it away. The wife became suspicious at first a while before and said that I "rely on her husband too much" because once when I was having roommate issues, I called HIM for help and not the guy I was seeing. She came with HIM to our house and I did NOT call her to come over, I called him. But they were both helpful in the situation. So time goes on and his wife decides to quit her job and get a doctorate and this put a lot of strain on the marriage. She was at school full-time and got a low-paying college job, so she wasn't around as much any more. He and I became closer. During this time, he told me he had reservations about the marriage and relayed times that she was mean and totally inappropriate and abusive and crazy and totally selfish. I encouraged him to leave her if what he's saying is true (and I know it was b/c she was so rude to me). I told him to call the police and get away from her and put her behind bars where she belongs. He didn't. He would vent to me, but never took any real action to leave her and make her pay for her actions. He promised that he would leave her in the summer, but he didn't. In fact, he contacted me just recently and told me that he and his wife are trying to work things out and he said that he lied and exaggerated things about her because he was very angry with her, which is a lie and I know he is just protecting that witch. He said he doesn't want to be my friend anymore b/c he thinks I'm inappropriate (NOT TRUE) and I've done things to hurt his marriage (what? Trying to help a friend in need?) and said that I don't respect his marriage and his wife is important to him and blah blah blah. So she's obviously a control freak. This is one of my closest friends. He said she feels we had an emotional affair and he agreed and that's why he's cutting me off. He said he can't be around anyone who would say bad things about his wife or try to hurt his marriage. So why? Why now? She obviously has no respect or love for him, so why push away someone who genuinely adores him? I'm so hurt. How can he ditch me just because his mean crazy wife says so? I only said that I'm sorry if he's misconstrued me and I appreciated his friendship. But it's not fair. I don't deserve this. He was supposed to leave her and put that crazy witch in jail and start a new chapter in his life without her control. And now not only is he back with her but now I don't get to be his friend anymore. Why? Because she said so. That's the only reason why. What can I do?????
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You got involved with a married man. Of course he stretched their relationship all out of proportion and lied to you.. he was enjoying your attention and yes, it was an emotional affair, if not more. He's trying to work things out with her so he chose to cut you out, which he should. You don't respect his marriage and know you would jump him in a heartbeat if given the chance, and so does he.. that's why he's cutting you out while he works on things with his wife. And, no, you're wrong.. she couldn't make him stop his relationship with you - He did because he chose to. Move on, get over him and next time, find yourself a single man.
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