Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Why, Daddy?...Will you read and comment, please?

why, Daddy? well Sweetheart, once upon a time.... in a village where everyone was nice, a mean old witch, brought the village people, a gift in a basket. Now, because she was a mean old witch, no one wanted to look in the basket, fearing something bad might be in there. So they took the basket into the woods and called S.W.A.T., knowing they were the best to handle this problem. S.W.A.T. came and sent in a mechanical robot, with lots of eyes and metal arms and no heart. You know, just in case there was something bad in the basket. Soooooo, the robot approached the basket and with it's non-human heartless arms, it opened the basket and set an anti-bad thing device inside and backed away and waited. All of a sudden, BOOM !!! There was a huge explosion and lots of fur and feathers and internal organs and fluids went everywhere.It was an awful sight. The old witch knew they would not trust her, so she filled the basket with puppy dogs and doves. Then the S.W.A.T. people left and went to O'Malleys and drank beer and laughed. but why, Daddy? well, Sweetheart.......
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Hi. your poem is nice and very imaginary, easy to understand , and very vivid , and sad, i see 2 things, first you have too many syllables , and 2 you just need to write it, like a poem, line under lines. Over all it makes sense to me. just keep on writing, practicing will make you perfect. Good job. Peace out.
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