legal judicial question?

I had a bit of an unfortunate scuffle with a friend a few weeks ago, he turned on me and we were both drunk and he ordered me out the house for no other reason than he was drunk and chose to be deliberately awkward. He then assaulted me without leaving a mark and in self defence I bit him, he subsequently got me arrested for abh, the little grassing basket. Quite deservedly his TV got broken in the scuffle, also before that his computer stopped loading up windows, earlier in the day I said, Idd bring a copy of XP round so he could reload it. The law say Im perverting the course of justice if I contact him. But Ive thought up a slightly mad, but idea that I think could work and he might hopefully see it in its funny and humourous light, I send him a back up copy of Windows XP, then he know I sent it, but with a letter as follows. Enclosedideth by almighty god, who art in heaven, is a free copy of windows XP, so as thou may fixeth your computer, the lord has another free gift which shalt bringeth thee light, sound and vision into your life. (namely a spare TV Ive got in me room) the lord will also offer thou friendships in life ( meaning I will later shake hands and make up with him), but first you must forgive all those who have tresspassed against you and then in turn the lord shalt offerith thou total and unconditional forgiveness, ( meaning drop the charge and all is forgiven) as the letter does not poport to come from me, I assume there would not be sufficient evidence to do me for PTCOJ, would I be correct in thinking this, would I be safe as long as I wore gloves when typing out the letter and making the CD etc. And do you think it would work?
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I do not see this as a judicial question but a JUDICIAL JOKE on your part by writing this almighty God version of yours with this xp windows version. I mean what is the connection of God to his xp windows version anyway? If you are trying to be a comedian I think you are in the wrong place, kiddo! In self defense bit him? What a fight huh! Are you some how gay? I suppose no guy would bit another guy when having a fight. Unless you suffering from gingivitis or something that everything you see you like to bite off like a dog. The law says you are perverting the course of justice if you contact him? What law is this you are referring too? Even the knowledge of law is terrible in your part. If you are a chemist you probably blow up the whole laboratory by now. No this is incorrect. Why would the law prevent you from contacting him for? He is just your friend not your wife or husband for that matter. And there is no restraining order imposed on you to prevent yourself in even seeing him or talking to him. I am just surprise where in the heck you are getting this knowledge of the law anyway? From a garbage canned or meat shop around your block? You do not even have to wear a glove typing those letters for him. You are some kind of weird law breaker and law writter at that. Nothing is going to happen to you and much better to talk to him to KISS and MAKE UP and settle it among yourself.
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