I used to self medicate this with DXM, and have given it up long ago due to the inevitable dead-end-road I was heading for. I must say, I have a decent life. I have a college degree, a great paying job, and a wife and step son that are the greatest gifts of all. My wife tells me that I have "changed", and though I was skeptical at first, I have noticed that I become extremely introverted at home. I have such a short attention span when we're together...eyes darting, mind wandering, unable to hold conversations to hardly any degree, easily irritated...all of this to the extent of feeling physically exhausted and falling asleep/passing out. My happiness in life has all but disappeared, most notably with my new job. It's a job right down my lane, and pays more than I've ever earned, with basically no supervision. I often wonder if I am addicted to chaos...my favorite jobs were the worst paying and least rewarding...I used to dedicate about 60 hours per week to an insurance company for $500 per week...now 45 hours per week gets me $1100. However, the happiest time in the recent years has been when I was fired from a job, received unemployment, and stayed home (with my wife) for a couple months. This, of course, is not a permanent way of life, but I'm just trying to see if anyone has insight into my fruit basket of a life.
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I think you answered your own question. "addicted to chaos" your happiest times seem to be when you are in a chaotic state. Make your own positive chaos, You didn't say how old your new son is, but rough housing and playing around outside with him can bring you some chaos. Sons and chaos go hand in hand. You also should think about seeing you doctor and explaining these changes to him. I have an anxiety disorder that is so difficult to deal with until an emergency happens and then I am the only one that can think fast and clear enough to know what to do. Mentally you could have a touch of ADHD, might be the start of depression.
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